What makes you happy ?

All I want to blog about is J’s MS and the way it’s so bad right now. I alternate between angry that no-one will do anything (Interview to be an MS Nurse. “Can you say ‘There there ?’”) and I say WILL because they say so very little and do even less that I can’t see the point in them unless there really is something they could do and the flip side from angry is sad because it’s frustrating us both.
She has no feeling in her feet, she has only gross motor movement in her hands, is numb all the right side, is increasingly numb on the left. Her BP is something like 90/60, her resting pulse is 130+ and there’s no-one to really help. She is much much worse than even 2 months ago.
Steroids are now proposed – if it’s a relapse she will improve (a relative term if ever there was one) with them (although they have their own side effects) and if it’s not a relapse and part of the slide ever downwards then she’ll not feel better. So it’s feel crap and maybe feel better.

If you are on Interferon, do not stop. Do not let a consultant talk you into stopping.

Sounds like I’m moaning or something and I’m not it’s just frustration. The same frustration that thousands of other people must feel with their ills. And it’s not wrong to feel this way. It’s not exactly productive either but sometimes bitching about something does let out some pressure.

The other day while testing the soundcard I played a few seconds of the music to Koopa Troopa beach in Mario Kart 64. We used to play that game constantly. J asks the girls to set it up and they play. Today I asked J if she wanted a game but she said she’s not very good because she can’t hold the button down to go faster. That’s sad. It’s a way of not losing too – but it’s still sad.

The MS is getting worse and the future is becoming more .. focussed, sharper. Not how things are planned but then what is?

I was so swept up in these thoughts and more I completely forgot 2 photo challenges and other work I’d got planned too. Diversions are good. I need a new gadget. And that soundcard.

Their headline: Additives ’cause bad behaviour’

What the actual article says: Cocktails of food additives in children’s diets may be responsible for hyperactive behaviour, say researchers.

There is a whole world of difference between ‘bad’ and ‘hyperactive’. Does the BBC employ trainees to write their main site copy?

And it was also only 300 kids. Hardly a definitive study.

The Facebook default for an image is just so appropriate.

(and do I care that I’m using a blanket term? No. Why? Well if they won’t put their own house in order they can all live in it together. Do I care if no-one else joins? No – it’s still somewhere for me to vent. And do I care if they hold it against me? I didn’t get to this point of view without reason did I?)

Is there a point to social workers? Do they ever do anything when they aren’t off the sick? Do they actually agree to take tasks instead of directing them to others? Do they possess spines? Do they ever agree to get anything done by any time? Are we better off without them? Has one ever done anything good? If so did the others ostracise them because a precedent could be set? Why don’t people slap into reality those that want to train to “help people” and choose the most slovenly career? Is managing social workers akin to managing sleeping people? How do they justify whatever they are paid because whatever it is it will be too much.

Social workers are a complete waste of time, energy and oxygen.

—–

Two social workers were walking through a rough part of the city in the evening. They heard moans and muted cries for help from a back alley. Upon investigation, they found a semi-conscious man in a pool of blood.

“Help me, I’ve been mugged and viciously beaten.” he pleaded.

The two social workers turned and walked away.

One remarked to her colleague, “You know the person that did this really needs help.”

—–

There isn’t a facebook group “Social workers are f*cking useless”.
Maybe I should create it.

A couple of months ago I told J that my Zen Micro wouldn’t hold all the music I wanted. So I bought a Zen Vision M.
That same player now has almost 3000 tracks in it, including Now 1-63, Robbie Williams, Sugababes, Kelly Clarkson and other equally wondrous sound creations. It has space for a whole heap more. This means it’s not mine any more….
This morning J asked if there was a way to have a HD but no computer that could play the music. Like a HD stereo system. There probably is a way but I couldn’t find a cheap way. But I did have a spare speaker system for a computer and I did have the Zen. So now she has a device she can use, a device that has good screen contrast and with controls that aren’t too bad for her and a device that can go anywhere she does such as hospital appointments. She’s happy.

And I have an excuse for another gadget :)

I took Winston for a long walk yesterday along a route we hadn’t done for a while. I was wearing shorts. In parts we had to creep under bramble, step over nettles / brambles, walk through long grass, around corn fields. Was a good walk. And my legs got a fair amount of tiny cuts and scratches. It woke me last night with itching and tonight I have odd blisters on both legs. Itch like crazy. Not funny at all. Not really sure what I can do apart from not scratch – which is impossible. Weird that it’s blistering though – not had that before.
And apart from that I’ve felt like crap all day. Unconnected with the above. Just crap.

Red Bull – or any generic equivalent – has sugar as it’s second constituent. I assume the thinking is that the sugar give you the hit while the caffeine makes you buzz and the resultant activity leaves you at zero increase as the sugar fuels that activity. The combination does two things therefore. That make sense? But I dislike sugar so I get the sugar-free version. So when I drink the yellow liquid my sugar levels do not increase but the caffeine makes whatever works work faster. So it’s a way of losing weight then, yes? Admittedly it’s a dodgy one that wouldn’t pass any sort of critical analysis but as a theory it seems to work.

This morning I woke with a normal elbow. It now looks like I have slid half a tennis ball around the elbow. Very odd. It squishes if I put my elbow on the desk. It has this odd creaky feeling when I prod it. And it itches. Aside from that it’s fine, just fine.

Played FFXII last night. I was around 8hrs in – I spent far too much time trying to find the switch for the massive gate in the underground part. I find the switch, go through gate and get to save crystal. Wandering a bit further I come across the Mimic Queen. Big, colourful and lethal. I tried twice to defeat and failed. Third time tried magics and different gambits. Fourth time tried other combos. Failure. So it looks like somewhere I missed something or should have practised using magic so tonight I roll back to somewhere around 5 hours and continue from there. The guide I bought is still sealed….. maybe I should open…
And I found my SSX On Tour game save with me at #1. 55 seconds outside the legend full race so I need to work on that.

Being a virtuous soul – no drinking, no smoking, reasonable exercise, reasonable diet, no partying, nothing to excess (my caffeine intake is down to around 2 coffees a day) it really annoys me when I’m ill. Day 3 of feeling like total crap. It comes and goes at times but it’s mainly in the total crap arena. I haven’t played FFXII for 3 nights! That’s how ill I am! I haven’t hooked up the Dreamcast even. Ill. That’s me.

Mainly for health reasons and partly for curiosity I had my first of 10 tanning sessions. It’s not that I want a tan because I dislike that look (though a white t-shirt and the newly honed bod could look good…..) and I know the downsides of sunbeds but it’s something that the GP says would be good.
Anyway, it’s at the fitness place. Questionnaire about my skin type, do I burn, what colour/depth tan do I get, bad reactions to the sun etc and then they work out that 10*5 minute sessions will see me done. It was £22.50 if you do the cost thing. That was all last week and today I went for the first go.

I got the choice of sunbed or standup. I chose the latter. I get shown to a room, given the token to make it work, given a couple of details and off she goes. ‘The tanning tube’ must be six feet wide black structure with about a quarter of it being the door which opens outwards. Inside it’s floor to top of white vertical tubes behind a plastic cover. The floor has small vent holes in as does the ceiling bit. In the ceiling part is a metal handle that forms an almost complete circle. She’s given me two foil eye covers which are to stick over my eyes. 5 minutes. Can’t get bored in 5 minutes. And then I get to decide just what sort of tan I want – “white bits” or “no white bits”. I decide my butt needs a tan so everything comes off. Drop the token into the machine, hop into the machine and close the door. I reached up and grabbed the handle. And just then it got very bright and very warm.
I don’t know if the machine was blowing warm air or if the tanning tubes were emitting a lot of heat but it was very warm. The air was moving bottom to top which I though was odd. The fan was also somewhat noisy. But otherwise I’m there being bathed in whatever the tanning machine was throwing at me, holding onto the handle at the top, stretching and being naked. It’s very odd being naked somewhere other than a shower outside of the home. Even though the door was locked outside it was still a little odd. It ends very abruptly.
In the few minutes after I felt tingly and parts of my skin felt warm (that’s head / arms / shoulder parts). As a first go it wasn’t unpleasant and I have no intention of reading about skin damage (just what isn’t dangerous these days?) so in a couple of days I’ll do it again. With going to San Francisco and wherever the other holiday is I’ll be prepared and looking not too pasty. (Thing is though, if it does the job, I’ll need to keep going…)