What makes you happy ?

This post was going to be titled “Useful Social Worker – Oxymoron?” because we had one round today who I am 100% confident just sat here and bleated hot air around the place. She said others will do things, that J is right to ask for certain things, that the system should not have screwed up so badly, that J is right, that there will be more things others can do and she said J was right. She didn’t say she’d do a damn thing. That’s what – in my experience – social workers do – they say things that say they will ask others to do things. That’s it. What’s the training for a social worker? greasing the hands so the buck glides past? Yes I’m sure there are wonderful social workers – there just aren’t any in Leicestershire okay?

In finding a video of DJ Sammy & Yanou a chance spotting of a link lead to some dragging up of childhood memories for J and I. These included: Andy Pandy, Trumpton, Tales of the Riverbank, Mary Mungo & Midge, Hong Kong Phooey, Mr Benn, Bill & Ben, The Clangers, Magic Roundabout, Noggin the Nog, Belle and Sebastian, Follyfoot, Casey Jones, Robinson Crusoe, Champion the Wonder Horse, Daktari, Skippy ……..

Needless to say, P – at the tender age of 13 – found all of the above funny and a couple absolutely hysterical :)

The post I wrote yesterday.. I’ll try and explain.

Was D right to have done what she did? Yes
Do I think it was her wisest decision?  I think she has made better.
(Note my emphasis)

Thing is, we are bringing the girls up to be independent, to think, to act properly – all the usual stuff that parents do. But there has to be a time when a child does something their parents disapprove of. It’s a required step in life. We have never really had this ‘conflict’ before. We would discuss and reach agreements maybe but this time there was more polarisation. D knew my position. I had laid out all the reasons why. She had listened to them and she had read about things – Modblog / BME and she made her choice. She made that choice almost certainly sure about my reaction.

My reaction wasn’t against her, it was what she had done. But then it wasn’t the piercings I had a problem with. I think my problem lay more in the fact she had taken that required step. Not that she had gone against what I said because of what she actually did, but that she did something I didn’t want her to do. But that step had to be taken. It was always going to arrive in some form and could certainly have been many different things.

She’s 16, she’s always going to be able to get round people with that smile and her wit, she’ll have all the right grades and she’s going to experiment in life while she can. That’s what she says and if you can’t say that at 16, when can you?

She wasn’t wrong at all. She made an informed decision and if you are going to disagree with someone that’s the best position to be in to do that. The problem was me. But maybe if I’d not had the problem I wouldn’t be doing the parent thing quite right? No idea … this having kids thing can be really complicated at times.

J – now has to use 2 sticks to get about according to the physio so she stops looking like she’ll fold into two. Not good. The positive approach has faded, the glass is very much half empty. There have been a number of small events which have all been negative. Not just with J but with the house, the bank etc. On their own they are of no consequence. Added together they stack up. What continues to amaze me is this: Consultant says she is in secondary progressive MS, so he stops the Interferon because that’s only for relapsing-remitting. Within 2 weeks of stopping the injections the MS symptoms are very much worse. They are getting worse. There is a clear cause/effect – stop inteferon – get worse. But will the Consultant make that connection? Will he help? Will he do any-damn-thing? No. And the MS Nurse? Is there a point? Is there a reason for J to see light at the end of the tunnel? No, not really.

P – lots of tears Monday as she was being bullied. 3 days at home. Visit to the school yesterday and a camera to take pics of little thugs has hopefully sorted that for now.

D – had her cheeks pierced Wednesday. I didn’t say yes, J did – partly because of J’s attitude to life and partly because she thought my stance had softened. It hadn’t. I was extremely everything but mainly just very very disappointed. The number of times I have said No to her in her 16 years and meant it I could probably count on the fingers of one hand. And she did it anyway. So I was deeply disappointed and upset, she was upset because I was disappointed. Whatever. I’ve asked her to take really good care so they scar as little as possible and that when they are healed we buy some jewellery that looks more pretty. Right now – with her labrets – it looks like she lost a fight with a nailgun. I lost my pretty little girl. I didn’t think it would be like this though. I can prepare for the leaving home stuff because that is what happens. But having said No and then seeing it …I’m surprised how upsetting I’m finding it. Anyway, what’s done is done. She’s still my daughter and like with P I love them to bits.

And me? I’m okay :)

This was seem an unpleasant topic for some, but domestic disputes are ugly things too :)

Gary Barlow of Take That – Fat or ‘Solid’ ?

Good article on Damn Interesting covering Lucid Dreams. I used to have some. The first was that I could keep dream going for several nights. I would go to sleep replaying the last scene I recalled and I would continue the events. I don’t recall why they ended specifically though. The second though were the best ones. I would fly over landscapes, in one I went miles following a pipeline though many different areas. I can still recall an exact image of part of it. It was very clear.

One of the side-effects of J’s medication is to cause bad dreams / nightmares type stuff. It’s very scary to see. (It was more so when she could walk properly and zoom across the room). She went through several nights of exactly the same nightmare. It started the same, it went the same and it ended the same. The end was horrible. She actually was afraid to sleep. So one day I started talking to her about manipulating the dream. That night when she went to bed we had already decided that she would be accompanied by 2 soldiers carrying some serious weaponry. She went to sleep as we talked quietly about it. And she slept all night. The soldiers didn’t just keep her safe they removed everything that could hurt her. That was good, very good.

Seen the film Babe? There are a few parts in that where a small group of mice appear and sing bits of songs. Well J sees a rat choir. On the end of our bed. When she’s awoken, it’s dark and her eyes are open. She’s been seeing this one for ages. Weird. At least it’s the choir, she’s battered me in the night due to these before. It’s the meds.. so she says :)

The girls are watching streaming films on the laptops, J is playing a game on another and muggins here is doing the work. No change there then…
Did 1050 calories on the ‘elliptical trainer’ today – a record. Though I was listening to 132BPM music all the way through – music which I totally credit with getting me through the 10 and 20 minutes walls I hit. After 20 minutes it’s a breeze. I have some 180BPM I’m slowly building to. I’ll be a veritable blur.
Two machines I wanted to go on were the bicep / tricep curl. But there were two huge guys doing there bit – the sort with huge arms and lifting 50kg with one arm. So I stayed away. As you would.

I’m going to see if I can get a piercing tomorrow. For fun. Not sure if my anatomy is right though. I’ll have to nag Brian at abody. I just redid their website so I’m in a position to nag. And my post to UPB seems to confirm that Breed316 are still good for custom steel so I’ll give him a call when I have the beans to do so. A 7mm bar is now called for. And the Law of Sod will then kick in and the one I own already will turn up.

And the latest update of Parallels did something strange to my XP install and trying to re-register gets a failed key. And when I get past that, XP will do the same. I’ve got 2 codes from Microsoft, but will I get a third…. hopefully.

Ecto is cool, Endo I am starting to like. And my PC? I switched that off 5 days ago. It’s due for a move around a corner and across a room but I haven’t used it.

Back to work…

J was told by the MS Consultant today that she has now moved to the Secondary Progressive stage. It’s not a good stage. Unless there is a plateau which in unlikely, the damage just gets steadily worse. A second MRI scan showed that some of the original lesions have gone – they have been replaced by many others though.
This diagnosis changes nothing – after all the symptoms were there last week/month but I still find it strange that there was marked deterioration when the Consultant stopped the interferon-b. He will not put her back on it.
Things have taken a downward turn here because the impact on all is us is growing but there’s not a whole lot can be done. Apparently the Consultant talked about trials but there is no point when she can’t get on a trial, they are all still in double-blind or in another county. It does not help her. If anything it’s cruel to dangle those like that.
J feels she will be in a wheelchair full-time by year end. Seeing how she moves now I have not the slightest doubt that she will be correct. This is no self-fulfilling prophecy, it’s no giving up. It’s quite simply that the body can’t move like it should. Bit of a bastard is that.
There’s nothing anyone can do or say, but blogs are about diary type things too – and this is a notable event even though all the reasons are wrong.

The arbitration ruling on compensation for last years holiday is due in the next couple of weeks. There is a draft post which has sat here for months now that castigates First Choice and names names. Even I’m not daft enough to click Publish before an outcome. Though what the point in publishing it is I don’t know. I won’t until I’ve read the draft. That aside, J and the girls have booked this years holiday.
It’s not that we (J and me) are hugely bothered, but it’s something more for the girl. It’s not just a ‘Where have you been” thing at school but also it’s that age where they can go without the worries that complete parental freedom will bring – like money. They managed to pick a hotel we went to some years ago on Bahia Feliz, Gran Canaria. The notable event I recall was the lighting guy dropping the stage into darkness when he really thought that I – and other guys – were about to do a full moon on stage to the Full Monty.
So the last week of July I’m in the USA and after getting back I’m off again within a day with the family for 2 weeks. Good stuff.

We hear the first Ice Cream Van of the year – at about 6pm too.
And the girls help me shed my winter coat: