Comments on: Fidelity – what IS cheating ?

By: Is fidelity over rated ? « BBC World Have Your Say

Is fidelity over rated ? « BBC World Have Your Say — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 13:08:17 +0000

[...] what defines fidelity anyway [...]

By: Alex

Alex — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 23:46:22 +0000

Why is cheating bad? Because cheating is about lying to the person who devoted their life to you, endangering their health, disrespecting them, dismissing them, ignoring their feelings, etc.

ALthough both genders cheat, men do it more because most cultures teach men that it is OK to disrespect women and be self centered. This is part of ‘sexism.’ Women, on the other hand, are taught to ignore their needs and put their man first.

By: Tess

Tess — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 21:08:17 +0000

My husband and two mates hired to strippers to come to their motel room when they were away at an indy car race. I found out a year later when I found a video of the incident. The strippers lay fully naked on top of my husband, they had dildo’s etc. A lot of the action was off tape as the guys tried to stay out of view of the camera. He has cheated on me but says he did nothing wrong. He is only sorry that it hurt me once I found out. I don’t think I can stay with him. We have three children. I just can’t trust him ever again.

By: Confused

Confused — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 01:18:32 +0000

Hi everyone here is my situation….I met this person who was married and we started hanging out..after about 2 years we took things to the next level for which I have always felt guilty as I became good friends with the couple..we went out for 3 years and she ended up in a divorce for other reasons…we ended our relationship at this point as we know that things are not going to work out beacuse we belonged to different cultures…its been 2 yrs since her divorce…we started going out 3 months after I ended our relationship and then she moved to another state..I continued to keep in touch..as we were talking one she she confessed that she slept with my best friend and since that point in time I have lost trust in her..I think its Karma but now she wants to get married and I don’t know what to do…any advice would be appreciated…

By: Jess

Jess — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 21:33:46 +0000

I agree with all of these points
I know that if my boyfriend did any of these I would be incredibly upset.
I can definitely see why many people disagree, but I am sure that I would count no. 13 as cheating. It’s one terrible thing to have sex with a randomer for the heck of it without thinking, but it’s a completely different matter when they are really aware of what they are doing. This means that, for me, thinking about someone else whilst having sex is horrible.
The crucial part of no. 8 is the ‘partner not knowing’. Going behind your partners back spells trouble and I think that the fact that you hid meeting up secretly would raise suspicion and would also make you seem as though you had a guilty conscience.

But really, these points are incredibly personal, it depends on each persons point of view, everyone is going to feel different emotions towards different actions and I think the best thing to do in a relationship is discuss what you feel is out-of-bounds for you and your other half, and then appreciate those opinions!

By: supergirl

supergirl — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 20:23:35 +0000

I think that cheating is anything that your partner considers to be ‘unfaithful’, but especially when you lie about it and do it behind their back. I think that to physically be intimate with or to become emotionally involved with another is unforgivable, no matter what, but as for other things like porn, friendships with the opposite sex,meeting up with others in secret, phone sex etc etc, really depends on what you discuss with your partner and if there are any rules or agreements you make together.It also depends on your own intentions and the way your partner will know this, is how open and upfront you are with the situation. I think that if you lie and try and hide anything, then you know that you may be doing something wrong, and in which case, proberly shouldn’t be with that person in the first place. Once trust has broken, there is no way back. However insignificant you may consider your ‘betrayal’ to be. If you are no longer satisfied with your partner, work things out with them by communicating and if that does not work, then break up. It isn’t easy, but the world of infidelity and dishonesty creates a whole other world of difficulty for all parties involved and is never worth it in the end.Always treat others how you wish to be treated and if you do not then do not be surprised when something as bad or worse comes back at you!!!

By: Harry

Harry — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 05:28:09 +0000

I think it’s perfectly okay for someone to appreciate their surroundings. Appreciating beauty and feeling attracted is HUMAN. Or else we wouldn’t have boyfriends or girlfriends. It’s also a healthy habit. If you think you’re not doing it, then you’re the biggest hypocrite ever and you’re probably suffocating your partner right now. We’re all human. Stop asking for superhuman.

In the end, just never leave the one you love for someone you like because that person will probably leave you for a person he/she loves.

By: Rachael

Rachael — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 21:17:22 +0000

Spookey – Yes I do xxx Kick him out

By: Spooky

Spooky — Tue, 27 May 2008 20:35:28 +0000

I find out today by opening a letter in error that my husband has been calling phone sex lines. The letter was a final demand for payment which it turned out he had paid by postal order, obviously so I wouldnt find out. He told me it happened twice and I feel ABSOLUTELY gutted by this. I feel sick that he has had chatted sexually to somebody over the phone which he admitted turned him on, but he didnt feel guilty about it as he then did it again! He treated me appalling when I found out, panicked really cause I knew, just kept saying no i wont speak to you and drove off. Leaving me thinking all sorts from this letter that he had been with a prostitute or something. When he came home from work he didnt mention it until i did and just said everything you have said is right and i apologise and that is that, so blase and uncaring. I asked to know all the details but he wont say, thinks the apology is all the it takes. After 20 years I feel gutted – would you consider this infidelity?

By: Raquel

Raquel — Fri, 23 May 2008 04:51:54 +0000

I loved my boyfriend for 12 years. Then he died suddenly. Women started coming out of the woodwork to claim that they will remember their special moment that they spent together. I am angry and hurt that to the very end he was looking for that better deal. He didn’t value me. How do i grieve? I go back ad forth missing him then hurt with him.